Day 65: Mahogany

Last Day of Crayola Crayon project.  Sad.  Not a great place to end.  Bad day.

My private practice has dwindled to almost nothing in the past few months.  I had one client scheduled today and she cancelled (she's agoraphobic, so she cancels about every-other appointment).  So, I went in to the office anyway, because I was expecting some checks in the mail - NOTHING.

Money is diminishing quickly from every direction.  I was lecturing in Toledo and Detroit last week, very low turn out for the seminars and almost no sales of book and/or DVDs.  No one signed up for my webinar this week. I am to the point where I am considering having to give up my office and practice, because I am barely seeing enough clients to cover rent and expenses.

This economic depression has finally hit here, and it has hit hard.  I feel like Dorothy, where everything I know and identify with has suddenly been pulled out from under me.  I know this is happening all over the country and many people are worse off, but I am at the point where I need to rethink my career path.  Is private practice still a viable livelihood?  If not, where do I go from here?  The rules have completely changed, and I do not even know who I am anymore.  If I am no longer an Art Therapist, who am I?

Day 64: Orchid

Before I even looked at the color name, "Orchid" I felt that I wanted to draw either lotus flowers or water-lilies (are they the same thing?)  Something about this color reminded me of Monet's "Waterlily" paintings, but the word "lotus flower" was more prominent in my head.  I Google Imaged "Lotus Flower".

I have not researched the lotus flower, but my understanding is that this type of flower grows up out of the muck.  That is why it is such a powerful Eastern metaphor for rebirth.  Also representative of being pure of body and floating above the muddy waters.  I feel like right now I am in mucky waters.  Money problems.  Navigating through parenting adolescent girls without them hating me all the time.  Trying to find excitement in a 19 year relationship.  Renegotiating my career, because the rate of incoming clients has diminished significantly and in direct proportion to the declining economy.  But I know "This too will pass".  As every other hard time in my life has - it comes to an end and things look brighter on the other side.  But while I am here it is dark and hard to hold on.

Yesterday I had lunch at Wolf Creek Restaurant and Brewing Co in Agoura Hills, CA with three of my friends from my martial arts class (Team MMA in Woodland Hills).  We were celebrating an upcoming wedding. We decorated our lunch table with beautiful pink lily and white hydrangea center pieces, and I took one home after lunch.   I just walked through my kitchen, and smell of that beautiful lily fills the entire room.  Although I did not think of this flower at the time, I am sure I was subconsciously influenced by that smell and the colors.

There is one more crayon left in my 64 box of Crayola Crayons.  Any guesses as to what that last color might be?  

Day 63: Melon

I wanted to make this look like watermelon, and it does a little bit, but that is so hard to accomplish with just one color.  I really want to use more than one color!! Now that I am looking at it, it looks like a bowl of lentil soup. (I'm not even hungry - just finished dinner - left over Indian food from last night).

I was not really motivated to draw today.  I am thinking about what I should do with all the used crayons. I have been saving them all - most are broken and many have the wrappers removed. I want to melt them together and make some final project.  I am thinking of one giant multicolored crayon.  Or maybe I should create (or purchase) a mold of some kind.

I need your suggestions...

Bonus:  for some reason I have TWO more crayons left in my box.  I am thinking that I must have picked up some crayon from another stash early on (I do believe that I have two "Red Violet" drawings).  Anyhow, you all get an extra day!  Yeah!

Day 62: Cerulean

This morning I was watching "CBS Sunday Morning".  You know how they always have the elaborately drawn sun between segments?  I was inspired, and I told myself that when I sit down to draw later today I will draw a really cool sun.  That was at 9am.

After an hour and a half of MMA class, grocery shopping, a shower, straightening up the house, seeing "Limitless" with my friend Justine (the movie was awesome BTW), then picking up Indian food for dinner, and sending out an email to try to find parent volunteers for an event at our middle school, I finally sat down to draw at 8pm.

I still intended to draw a sun.  I even Google imaged "CBS Sunday Morning suns". Somehow, my sun started out as a moon, than stars, than what looks much more like an octopus than a sun.

So, what's going on?  Well, for starters, it IS night time - so the moon makes sense.  The three stars? I am thinking those exist because it was just me and the daughters for dinner tonight.  I really want to try to reconnect with them.  Older daughter asked me today, when she drove me to pick up the Indian food, "Are you mad at me?"  I wasn't.  She said, "You seem like you are mad at me." I was actually in a good mood, so I was surprised.  Than she added, "Well, I know you hate younger daughter, and I think sometimes you hate me too."

We were not even fighting.  This makes me sad.  I am hard on younger daughter.  She can be lazy and easily distracted, so I am redirecting her more often than her sister.  I guess I need to lighten up a little.  This is the type of thing that future therapy session will focus on.

How about the octopus?  Sometimes I feel like I am doing so many things that I need eight arms to get it all done.  I think that the octopus is a fascinating creature.  It is better at camouflaging itself than a chameleon.  (check out this youtube video of the octopus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmDTtkZlMwM&feature=related).  Maybe the sun became more of an octopus because of the color - Cerulean.  Its a blueish under water color.

 I just looked up "cerulean" and Wikipeadia says it is "derives from caelulum, diminutive of caelum, "heaven, sky". Interesting that I made a sun/moon/stars image with THIS color. There is something to be said for Carl Jung's idea of the collective unconscious.  There are things that we know without knowing.

Day 61: Red Orange

Only three more days - three more colors to go.  Wow.

I Love Dr. Seuss!  I like to draw his architectural fantasies.  I would like to live in one.  I have made a few paintings of my own houses in the Seuss style.  That's fun.

Notice the bed in the upstairs window.  I am writing this from my bed (even though I did not draw it while in bed).  I am tired.  I have jet-lag.

Day 60: Goldenrod

When I think of Goldenrod I think of allergies.  So I started by drawing a nose.  I wanted it to be a feminine face, but it turned into an old man face. How did that happen?  Again, I did this during my lecture, while the attendees were collaging (in Detroit, MI).  One of things that I tell the attendees of my Art Therapy seminar is "the art can lead you in a direction you do not intend." Consciously I wanted to draw a woman. However this is definitely male.  The other thing that changed from my original intention is the tree-like thing inside the head.  I was thinking about allergies, so I had intended to draw sinuses.  This looks more like the brain.

So, what does that all mean?  I'm  not sure... I was feeling manly?  Not feminine? That does not feel right.

I have not had seasonal allergies in many years (I took allergy shots for several years). Despite the shots, I think that's mostly a result of moving out to the west coast.  Different pollens here, and it's so much dryer (although it is hard to say its dry here after the torrential rains we've been having).  

Maybe the Golden"rod" has become the brain-stem.  The lifeline to my thoughts and behaviors. It also connects the inner world to the outer world.  I like that.

PS:  because I titled my last Tweet "Is there Thai food in Detroit?"  I now have a Thai restaurant in MI following me on Titter.  Too funny.

Day 59: Mauvelous

I drew this during my seminar.  The attendees where working on their collages today, so I had some drawing time.  This was inspired by the collage - overlapping pictures.

I had no idea there was a color called "Mauvelous". What does that even mean?  Is it a kick-back from Billy Crystal's SNL character?

I'm in Detroit, and I think I will go seek out some Thai food.

Later Biotchessss!

Day 58: Chestnut

Today I am in Ft. Wayne, IN, and I will be heading to Ohio this afternoon.  I was born and raised in Ohio.  I checked out the Crayola name and when I saw "Chestnut" it reminded me of a buckeye, and being that Ohio is "The Buckeye State" I really had no choice but to draw the state of Ohio.  Without having a map to look at, I drew this.  Despite that I think I did a pretty good job with the Ohio shape.  (Okay, I have to confess that I actually drew it backwards.  Once I got on the Interstate between Ft. Wayne and Toledo, I saw the actual Ohio shape and realized that I drew it backwards.  So, through the beauty of the Photoshop, I flipped the drawing and now it looks right.)

Its too bad that I am not going to see my family at all while I am here.  My Mom is in Cleveland, and that is about 2 1/2 hours from Toledo, and my Dad does not even know that I am here.  I told him, but he does not remember.  I have a great father.  He's really loving and demonstrative with his affection, but he is quirky.  He only recalls about half of what I talk to him about.  I used to think that memory problem was some type of early Alzheimer's, but now I am pretty convinced that he is just on a shit-load of pain medications.  We all wish that our relationships with our parents were different/better.  I wonder what my daughters will say about me in 10 years.  Or what they say about me now.

I feel like I need to call home and check in with hubby and kids now.

Day 57: Scarlet

When I looked at the name of this crayon, Scarlet, the first thing I thought of was "Ms. Scarlet" from the board game "Clue".  I used to love that game.  I played when I was a kid with my family, and I played as an adult with my husband and young daughters.  I have not played in many years.

I drew the game pawn.  Ms. Scarlet was so sexy, mysterious and alluring.  I always wanted to be Ms. Scarlet.  Also, I was in a very sensual mood tonight.  I believe that may be a giant vagina behind the game pawn.  

Day 56: Violet (Purple)

I CANNOT believe that I have gone 55 days without drawing a crayon with a crayon.  It is so Post Modern. I LOVE this drawing! It is so much fun - playful.  No need  for any deeper explanation. 

Day 55: Tan

It rainy and cold.  Its Sunday and dreary.  The house is sticky and messy. The laundry needs to be done, but the daughters refuse to pick up their clothes from the floor and put it in the basket.  There are cup and snax left about the house from last night (after I was in bed).  The cats' litter box needs to be changed, but no one will admit that it is their turn to change it. I need to go grocery shopping, but the family would rather complain that there is nothing good in the house than make any suggestions about what they want. I am in a bad mood.

I did not look at the crayon's name - I just chose one.  There are few crayons left, but there seems to be a lot of brownish colors.  I am trying to spread those out.  Anyhow, I drew my "Bad Mood" picture and than looked at the color name.  I saw "Bronceado".  I have no idea what a "bronceado" is - it sounds like bronze to me.  I look it up on the internet, and get a lot of pictures of people laying out on the beach.  Okay, I get it, bronze makes sense, but why didn't Crayola just call it "Bronze"?  I look at the Crayola.com website, and everything comes up in Spanish.  I pick up the crayon again, and look more closely. It says "Tan", and underneath that it says "Bronceado" and just below it says "Havane" (French).

Misreading.  Misinterpretation.  Misunderstanding.  That is what makes communicating so difficult.  I misread the label.  This is something that I often do at the grocery store, because I am in a hurry or I am distracted.  I intend to buy chicken noodle soup, but when I get home I see I actually grabbed chicken rice soup.  No one likes chicken rice soup, so I eventually end up eating it because I was not really paying attention in the first place.

I am getting from this, that I just need to slow down a little bit.  Look at things differently.  If my Biggest problem is that my daughters won't pick up their dirty clothes, I am a lucky person.  So what if its rainy outside today, and I have to forfeit my 8 mile run in the canyon, at least I have a warm, dry house.
I can spend the day finishing my work 

Day 54: Wisteria

After I removed all the wrapper from this crayon, I placed it on its side and started swinging it around to make the circular shapes.  It takes quite a bit of muscle to press the crayon length-wise to make it dark enough.

Once I completed the drawing, I realized that a "wisteria" IS a flower.  I had looked at the name, but I was not consciously thinking that I should draw a flower (like on "Granny Smith Apple" day, where I specifically wanted to draw an apple).

I do an Art Therapy technique titled the "The Rosebush", where I direct my clients to visualize a rosebush.  I ask, Where does it lives? Who takes care of it? Does it have thorns? ... and many other questions.  This becomes a metaphor for the self - as all art ultimately is.  So, what does this rose drawing say about me?

It does have thorns.  I can be a little prickly at times, but most people do not know that about me unless they get close enough to see those thorns.  The rose is strongly rooted into the ground.  I feel that I am pretty stable and rooted.  We only see half the flower, though.  Am I trying to hide something?  I don't really think so.  What else could it be?  There is a lot more to my life that I have yet to see - the whole picture had yet to be revealed.  I guess we never get to see the whole picture until the very end.  And we may or may not be totally cognizant at that age/time to understand.

Day 53: Yellow Orange

Did this early this morning.  Got up at 7am on a Saturday to go cheer on my friend, Niki, in her triathlon in Pasadena, CA.  She did great and I was so proud of her!  She wants me to do the triathlon with her next year.

So, maybe these are pom-poms, as I was the "cheerleader" and not the athlete for once.  It definitely has a lot of movement and energy.

The "pom-poms" at the bottom of the page are heavy and submerged in water, and once the "pom-poms" rise above the surface they seem to pop and float way.  That's what I see, anyway.

New Lecture Series - Art and Grief

Hey Midwesterners! I will be lecturing in Ft. Wayne, IN, Toledo, OH and Detroit, MI next week. Come make a collage and get your CEUs.
http://www.hayesarttherapy.com/index.html

3/23/2011

Marriott Ft. Wayne

305 E. Washington Center Rd.

 Ft. Wayne, IN 46825

260-484-0411

3/24/2011

Park Inn Toledo

101 N. Summit St.

Toledo, OH 43604

419-241-3000

3/25/2011

Embassy Suites Hotel Detroit-Livonia

19525 Victor Pkwy.

Livonia, MI 48152

734-462-6000

Day 52: Granny Smith Green

Okay, so today is St. Patrick's Day, so I felt obligated to choose a green crayon.  But yesterday was green also, so I fought against it for awhile.  In the end I went with the last green left in the box.  I am down to just about a dozen crayons - they are dwindling quickly.  Today I am feeling a little sad about this project ending  in less than two weeks.  I AM considering the next project.  Oh yes, there WILL be another project.  And that is all I have to say about that right now.

I could not really narrow down my thoughts to one cohesive concept.  This is very disjunct. So I ended up with four shamrock clovers, three Appletinis and a Granny Smith apple (To be sung to the tune of  "12 Days of Christmas").  I did not even know that there was a Crayola crayon named Granny Smith apple yesterday when I blogged.

This is very basic, very literal - the opposite of being metaphorically deep. Am I running out of things to draw?

I'm tired today.  Had a hard time sleeping last night.  After about an hour of tossing and turning, I turned the light back on and started to read my book, Saving Max by Antoinette van Heugten .  Than I got really swept up in the story, and finished the book.  By that time it was 2am.  This Daylight Savings Time has really screwed me up this year.  Time to sleep - hopefully.

(Appletini!)

Day 51: Yellow Green

Yuck! I DO NOT like this drawing.  That is my critic voice.  The chin is wrong.  In face drawings, the chin can make or break you.  It can really determine how masculine or feminine the figure looks.  Too big or too square and it becomes a man - more rounded and it is female.  However, now that I am looking at it, there needs to be more space between mouth and chin and less space between mouth and nose.  The proportions are wakey.

Usually I like this color.  I call it "Appletini Green".  Maybe Crayola would consider changing the name.  I have an LL Bean winter coat this color - which I LOVE.  I am not really a fan of the Appletini, though.  It's too sweet. I just like to say it. Appletini.  Everyone try it at home.... Appletini.  Isn't that a fun word?

I took little daughter to get her hair done today, and her stylist gave us a card with an image similar to this drawing.  So later when I sat down to draw, the card was just lying there on the table in front of me. What could I do?  I had no choice but to recreate this sensual seductress.  (Appletini)

I don't think there is too much subconscious stuff in this one.  I was really just copying.  However, she does look like she is looking back over her shoulder in a paranoid/anxious way.  Am I feeling paranoid or anxious?  I didn't think so. But maybe people are out to get me...I did not realize that one could be sensual, seducing, paranoid and anxious all at the same time. I guess anything is possible.

Appletini!

Day 50: Peach

Well, I just HAD to draw fruit when I saw that today's color was "Peach". I really didn't want to.  It seemed too obvious, but the subconscious wants what the subconscious wants.  Ultimately, it's okay, because I like to draw/paint fruit.

I was sitting in a Parent Teacher Association middle school meeting while I was drawing this.  (Not the most exciting of meetings - needed something to keep my mind occupied).  I heard a podcast on NPR that quoted a study: People who doodle while in a class/lecture had 29% better recall than the non-doodlers. "According to a study published in the journal Applied Cognitive Psychology, doodling while listening to a message can actually help memory recall."  


So, what I am saying is... I can tell you 3 times as many details about what was said in that meeting than those who looked as if they were paying attention.  However, more details are not necessarily better - it was still dull.
  
I really like this drawing!  There are many different elements to it: The fruit, of course.  The straight-edged boarders with just the right amount of flair in the top left and bottom right corners.  The three dimensional quality of the stairs on the top and bottom. And the circles in the lower left and upper right corners.  My OCD really likes the symmetry and balance of this drawing.


Good job, Pammy!

Day 49: Brick Red

Well can you guess if the color name inspired the drawing or if my mood inspired the drawing?
The answer is ALWAYS: Both!

I have always drawn and painted bricks.  I love the chaotic pattern. I have several paintings that I made while I was in collage that have brick walls.  There is something very protective about a brick wall, and very powerful to break it down.  (Maybe because I was into Pink Floyd while I was in collage).

But here's a question... Why a tunnel?  It started out that I intended to draw a fireplace, and this is what emerged.  For me, the tunnel signifies traveling through something to the other side.  An emergence or rebirth, if you will.  Tonight close friends told me they are pregnant.  Maybe that is why the tunnel - like a birth canal.

Day 48: Lavender

I don't know.... just felt like drawing an ice cream cone.  I took little daughter to Cold Stone Creamery yesterday, AND I did not get anything. I asked for a taste and that was all.  I am trying really hard to make better choices about what I eat.

I wonder what plaid ice-cream tastes like.

Can't write too long today.  I promised to read hubby's entire script today.  I am excited to read his heart and soul.

Day 47: Raw Sienna

I spent nine hours at LA County History Day in Azusa, CA, because younger daughter did a great project on "Roe v. Wade".  It was a long but exciting day.  I did this drawing as I was spending those many hours.  I was inspired by someone's "Whole Foods" bag with healthy  hearts.

I was feeling the love today.  Met some new people that I spent many many many hours with.  I am constantly amazed by people.  I tend to judge people by their looks, how they present themselves to the world.  I believe many people judge others by their looks, but most won't cop to that.  I hate admitting that out loud, but that is what this blog is all about - being honest and saying things out to the world that may reveal the secret that I am not perfect.  Oh no, the truth is out, I have flaws! Anyhow, I was saying that I am often surprised by who people really are and what struggles have brought them to where/who they are today.

Day 46: Pacific Blue

It's really interesting that I chose this color today, because there is a tsunami watch for the Pacific - from Japan to San Diego, CA (I live in southern CA) - due to the 8.9 magnitude earthquake in Japan today.  Although I did hear that story on NPR this morning, I did not purposely pick this color for the name.  However, once I looked at the name, I absolutely wanted to draw something ocean related.  But, by that point, I had forgotten about the tsunami/earthquake story.  I am sure it was still in my subconscious.

Crayola has a lot of similar blue colors.

This reminds me of a linoleum-cut print that I did when I was in 8th grade art class at Byron Junior High School in Shaker Heights, Ohio.  I still have that print, and it was hanging up in my house until very recently when someone knocked it off the wall and broke the frame (Now it's waiting in the garage.  There are a lot of things waiting in my garage.  Not sure what they are waiting for.  A glass terrarium that used to house daughter's pet snake, but the snake is now dead, a broken ceiling fan, a broken ping-pong table...Just waiting).

But I digress. I like the layers of the ocean.  From the dark colored waves, to the vertical lines, to the drawn circles, to the dripped melted wax circles. I feels to me like the ocean has many layers that change as they descend.  Those dark circles may be threatening - just waiting to be stirred up to the surface by an earthquake and consequent tsunami. What's in my subconscious just waiting for some natural disaster to stir it up?

Day 45: Gold

So I thought about the color "Gold" and what that means.  The first thing that came to mind was gold rings.  Which is funny because I have NO gold rings - even my wedding ring is white gold.  Maybe my hubby needs to buy me more gold.  Hint, hint...

So, I drew the outline of my hand, and that reminded me of an art project that I sometimes do with my clients.  I have them outline their hand and decorate it in any way that they want.  I chose to draw a random scribbles and than deign each section with a different pattern.  Maybe I am feeling many patterned or complicated today.  It doesn't feel chaotic, just busy.  Yes.  That's it. I certainly HAVE felt busy this week.  Lots going on at daughters' schools that I had to attend to. Consequently, I have felt that nothing else has been fully accomplished - like cleaning the house, returning phone calls and emails or writing my session notes.  A little scattered now.

This would make a really cool glove. Don't you think?

Letter to Crayola Company

I sent a letter to the Crayola company, just to let them know that I was using their product in my Art Therapy project.  I received a response in less than 24 hours.  Crayola gets big points for customer service.

Here is there reply....

Dear Pamela,

Thank for your e-mail and introduction to your blog, Art Therapy by Pamela Hayes.  We are happy to learn that you are featuring Crayola 64-count crayon colors each day.  Our company receives hundreds of letters and e-mails each week.  Most are inquiries for product information.  Few people take the time to write and share their thoughts and experiences with us.  I will forward your blog and information to those responsible for monitoring our social media program.

Again, we appreciate your contact.  Best wishes for a colorful future, Pamela!

Colorfully yours,

Kristina Lomax
Consumer Affairs Representative
CRAYOLA

Day 44: Turquiose Blue

I had a really weird dream last night....

My little daughter was trapped in what I thought was an air vent. I could hear her but I could not get to her. Than I thought that maybe she was in a alternate dimension, or maybe she was actually dead and I could still hear her voice crystal clearly. I was thinking maybe I was going crazy - maybe no one else could hear her. I felt so helpless and powerless. It was scary.


(This part sounds really silly - like most dreams sound in the light of day)

One of daughter's friend's mother told me that there was a new App for the iPhone. This App changes people in plastic objects. The problem is that once they turn into a plastic object, no one knows which plastic object they have become, and they can't change themselves back because they are only an object. I frantically started looking through the garbage for plastic cups and spoons. I was scared because it really felt like I couldn't find her or save her. It was scary.

This drawing was inspired by that wakey dream. A door opening from the Earth to another dimension. I wonder what that dream means... I am thinking that I see my younger daughter becoming a teenager, and as such, she's pulling away from me. She is changing, and maybe I can't quite reach her. I have to remind myself that when she is driving me crazy, that I would be devastated if she was no longer around. I love little daughter.

Day 43: Timberwolf

I felt like drawing cartoons today.  Not sure why, and I knew immediately that I wanted to draw cartoon animals.  I had to look up cartoon animals, and copy them. That's the thing again, I can copy anything, I just need help getting started, and than I always end up making it my own.  I am like that with anything, even writing a reference letter or cooking a meal.  i just need a little motivation to get going.

These animals are playful and fun.  I did not even look at the color name until I started peeling the wrapper off to melt the crayon to make the darker color.  I am amused that this color is "Timberwolf". According to Crayola, this color was not introduced until 1993.   It looks like gray to me.

New Website

Learn more about Art Therapy, me and my private practice in Calabasas, CA. Check out my new website http://www.hayesarttherapy.com/.

You can see where I am lecturing throughout the United States, or when I am presenting a webinar on your computer in the comfort of your own home.

Day 42: Red Violet

I spent most of the evening cutting out magazine pictures, because I am starting a monthly Women's Art Group, and our first meeting is this coming Saturday.  I am very excited about this group.  It will be an evening of art, wine, food and friends.  I have been feeling isolated and alone, and looking for a new way to connect  with friends.  I am hoping this will provide a new experience for most of us to build relationships and take it to another level.

 I figured that I would have them start with collage because that is less threatening than drawing.  The reason I mention this is because this drawing is inspired by a large picture of lips that I cut out of a magazine.  Tonight I am drawn to that image for some reason, so I chose a red color that would be fitting.

I am trying to be very aware of what I eat these days.  Conscious eating.  Making better, healthier choices.  Possibly the reason I was drawn to the mouth image tonight.  Also, this image is very sexual and sensual.  I guess that's where my head is at right now.  It also looks like it is waiting or wanting something - the mouth seems anxious.  I guess that is where I am ....  Waiting and wanting.

As I was scanning the drawing into the computer, I realized that the very first drawing that I did in this series was "Red Violet".  Oops.  I must have taken a crayon from another box in the beginning.  But the weird thing is that today's "Red Violet" is a different color than January 23rd's Red Violet.  It's quite confuzzaling (that is daughter's word).  I am now wondering if January's color was actually "Violet Red" as opposed to "Red Violet".

Day 41: Asapagus

Here's the funny thing...
I drew the entire picture BEFORE I even looked at the crayon name, and it looks like an asparagus plant. Crazy, right?!  I think it was just the color that inspired the plants.  It was also the design on the tissue box in front of me  - you never know where inspiration comes from.  I really like to have something to look at, as opposed to making up ideas out of my head. I don't like admitting that out loud.  My critical voice in me says that creativity has to come from inside, but my supportive voice says that creativity can find inspiration anywhere.  So there, stupid critical voice.

Having a bad day - fight with the hubby - just not connecting or seeing eye to eye on a lot of things.  Than daughter suggested that we go out for a run together.  Amazingly, I feel better, and I am almost ready to make-up with hubby.

I find that the daily drawing does the same thing for me that exercise does - I don't necessarily feel motivated to do it, but if I force myself, I always feel better after.

PS: Daughter just asked if I married "Dad" because he is "inferior".  I sarcastically told her absolutely.  She says she is kidding but she like nerdy, wimpy guys.  Hubby may present to others as wimpy, but he is very hard-headed and opinionated.  Daughter is funny. (I did not even mention to her that hubby and I had an argument).

Day 40: Sky Blue

Today is my daughter's 16th birthday, so I chose her favorite color.  I was inspired to draw things that she likes and has decorated her room with - peace sign, dove, heart and hand.  As I was scanning this into the computer, she saw the drawing and commented that she liked the color and the drawing (big surprise  - it's all her favorite things).

Although she did not want to  have a big party, we went for a mani-pedi and breakfast in the morning.  Than we headed down to Melrose to have a healthy organic lunch at the Urth Cafe (often a location on HBO's "Entourage") and than for a little shopping at the vintage stores. And for dinner we got dressed up and meet friends and family at Topanga's "Inn of the Seventh Ray".  I think it was a pretty successful birthday.

Day 39: Plum

Today I felt inspired to draw a figure.  I thought to myself "What is the most archetypal figure drawing of all time?".  The only answer to that is daVinci's Vitruvian Man (the figure drawing in a circle)  a world-renowned drawing created by Leonardo da Vinci around the year 1487. It is accompanied by notes based on the work of the famed architect, Vitruvius. The drawing, which is in pen and ink on paper, depicts a male figure in two superimposed positions with his arms and legs apart and simultaneously inscribed in a circle and square. The drawing and text are sometimes called the Canon of Proportions. 


I blindly grabbed a redish crayon from the box, but I realized that I used a hot color yesterday (Salmon), and I really wanted a cool color.  I picked out "Plum", which is directly in the middle of hot and cool. I ask myself, "What am I directly in the middle of right now?"  I started drawing the daVinci figure, but it came out as a female figure as opposed to the very male figure of daVinci's Vitruvian Man.  I now notice that the figure does not quite fit into the box, as the man does, and she is at an angle leaning to the right.  Maybe I feel that a woman can not be put so easily in a vertical box.  Or, maybe I am just on quite straight (take that as you wish - it has multiple insinuations. As Dan Savage says, "Female sexuality is much more fluid".).


I really had a great time drawing this.  I needed that tonight because my girls were in typical adolescent form - tired, cranky and irritable. I was very pleased that I was able to defuse them and the hubby, and end the evening on a positive note.  I drew this as I was also watching Dr. Drew Pinsky's "Celebrity Rehab".  Again, I know that Art Therapy would be an amazing contribution to his rehab program.  The art is so raw and honest it breaks through the walls of isolation and denial.  

Day 38: Salmon

I did this at work, while waiting for a new client.  I was copying the rug in my office.  Don't like the rug so much - don't really dislike it either, but it's not my favorite.  (My officemate bought it). I do spend a great deal of time looking at the intricate patterns on this rug.  I do like the way the lines and shapes intertwine.  I could not really get the detail with a crayon.  Frustrated.

My oldest daughter is turning 16 on Saturday.  I've been thinking about this a lot.  She has become such a wonderful woman (I'm sure every mother says that).  How is she the same tiny baby I held in the white rocking chair?...Sunrise, Sunset....  Our lives are intertwined like this pattern, and its imprecise and nowhere near as clean or detailed as I'd like it. Frustrated.

My younger daughter asked me yesterday how I would describe her with one word, and Cydney would definitely be "Intense". She feels everything very intensely - love, frustration, anger and humor.  Than she asked what one word I would use to describe myself.  That's hard.  I came up with "Clarity".  I like things to be clear and obvious, neat and clean.  Maybe that is why I am frustrated a lot.  I'm working on it.  My husband would probably say that I am anything BUT clear.  he would more likely describe me as vague and indecisive.  

Day 37: Green Yellow

The other night as I was laying in bed (couldn't sleep) I realized that I can draw with one crayon on multiple surfaces!  It seems so simple, but it was a revelation to me.  That opens up all types of possibilities...

For this drawing I have taken three different colors of construction paper, and ripped and layered them prior to drawing.  The "Green Yellow" color looks so distinctively altered from one colored paper to another.

I was really tired when I realized that I had not drawn yet. I thought about putting it off and doing two tomorrow.  But I was also excited about doing the multiple layered colored paper, so I decided to rally some energy and just do it.  For me, making art is just like exercise... Sometimes I really do NOT feel up to doing it, but I ALWAYS feel better after.  Even if I am not pleased with the final result.  This project became more about the process, because what came out is sort of boring.  I liked the ripping and the gluing, and even drawing on the softer paper that was slightly wet from the glue was pleasant.  It was dark in the room, so I could not see the colors well, so what I see now, in the light, is a little more exciting than I thought at first.

This final product seems a little elementary - simple and child-like.  Maybe because the materials are so kindergarten (construction paper and crayons), I had a regression to a more simple me.