Day 65: Mahogany

Last Day of Crayola Crayon project.  Sad.  Not a great place to end.  Bad day.

My private practice has dwindled to almost nothing in the past few months.  I had one client scheduled today and she cancelled (she's agoraphobic, so she cancels about every-other appointment).  So, I went in to the office anyway, because I was expecting some checks in the mail - NOTHING.

Money is diminishing quickly from every direction.  I was lecturing in Toledo and Detroit last week, very low turn out for the seminars and almost no sales of book and/or DVDs.  No one signed up for my webinar this week. I am to the point where I am considering having to give up my office and practice, because I am barely seeing enough clients to cover rent and expenses.

This economic depression has finally hit here, and it has hit hard.  I feel like Dorothy, where everything I know and identify with has suddenly been pulled out from under me.  I know this is happening all over the country and many people are worse off, but I am at the point where I need to rethink my career path.  Is private practice still a viable livelihood?  If not, where do I go from here?  The rules have completely changed, and I do not even know who I am anymore.  If I am no longer an Art Therapist, who am I?

Day 64: Orchid

Before I even looked at the color name, "Orchid" I felt that I wanted to draw either lotus flowers or water-lilies (are they the same thing?)  Something about this color reminded me of Monet's "Waterlily" paintings, but the word "lotus flower" was more prominent in my head.  I Google Imaged "Lotus Flower".

I have not researched the lotus flower, but my understanding is that this type of flower grows up out of the muck.  That is why it is such a powerful Eastern metaphor for rebirth.  Also representative of being pure of body and floating above the muddy waters.  I feel like right now I am in mucky waters.  Money problems.  Navigating through parenting adolescent girls without them hating me all the time.  Trying to find excitement in a 19 year relationship.  Renegotiating my career, because the rate of incoming clients has diminished significantly and in direct proportion to the declining economy.  But I know "This too will pass".  As every other hard time in my life has - it comes to an end and things look brighter on the other side.  But while I am here it is dark and hard to hold on.

Yesterday I had lunch at Wolf Creek Restaurant and Brewing Co in Agoura Hills, CA with three of my friends from my martial arts class (Team MMA in Woodland Hills).  We were celebrating an upcoming wedding. We decorated our lunch table with beautiful pink lily and white hydrangea center pieces, and I took one home after lunch.   I just walked through my kitchen, and smell of that beautiful lily fills the entire room.  Although I did not think of this flower at the time, I am sure I was subconsciously influenced by that smell and the colors.

There is one more crayon left in my 64 box of Crayola Crayons.  Any guesses as to what that last color might be?  

Day 63: Melon

I wanted to make this look like watermelon, and it does a little bit, but that is so hard to accomplish with just one color.  I really want to use more than one color!! Now that I am looking at it, it looks like a bowl of lentil soup. (I'm not even hungry - just finished dinner - left over Indian food from last night).

I was not really motivated to draw today.  I am thinking about what I should do with all the used crayons. I have been saving them all - most are broken and many have the wrappers removed. I want to melt them together and make some final project.  I am thinking of one giant multicolored crayon.  Or maybe I should create (or purchase) a mold of some kind.

I need your suggestions...

Bonus:  for some reason I have TWO more crayons left in my box.  I am thinking that I must have picked up some crayon from another stash early on (I do believe that I have two "Red Violet" drawings).  Anyhow, you all get an extra day!  Yeah!

Day 62: Cerulean

This morning I was watching "CBS Sunday Morning".  You know how they always have the elaborately drawn sun between segments?  I was inspired, and I told myself that when I sit down to draw later today I will draw a really cool sun.  That was at 9am.

After an hour and a half of MMA class, grocery shopping, a shower, straightening up the house, seeing "Limitless" with my friend Justine (the movie was awesome BTW), then picking up Indian food for dinner, and sending out an email to try to find parent volunteers for an event at our middle school, I finally sat down to draw at 8pm.

I still intended to draw a sun.  I even Google imaged "CBS Sunday Morning suns". Somehow, my sun started out as a moon, than stars, than what looks much more like an octopus than a sun.

So, what's going on?  Well, for starters, it IS night time - so the moon makes sense.  The three stars? I am thinking those exist because it was just me and the daughters for dinner tonight.  I really want to try to reconnect with them.  Older daughter asked me today, when she drove me to pick up the Indian food, "Are you mad at me?"  I wasn't.  She said, "You seem like you are mad at me." I was actually in a good mood, so I was surprised.  Than she added, "Well, I know you hate younger daughter, and I think sometimes you hate me too."

We were not even fighting.  This makes me sad.  I am hard on younger daughter.  She can be lazy and easily distracted, so I am redirecting her more often than her sister.  I guess I need to lighten up a little.  This is the type of thing that future therapy session will focus on.

How about the octopus?  Sometimes I feel like I am doing so many things that I need eight arms to get it all done.  I think that the octopus is a fascinating creature.  It is better at camouflaging itself than a chameleon.  (check out this youtube video of the octopus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmDTtkZlMwM&feature=related).  Maybe the sun became more of an octopus because of the color - Cerulean.  Its a blueish under water color.

 I just looked up "cerulean" and Wikipeadia says it is "derives from caelulum, diminutive of caelum, "heaven, sky". Interesting that I made a sun/moon/stars image with THIS color. There is something to be said for Carl Jung's idea of the collective unconscious.  There are things that we know without knowing.

Day 61: Red Orange

Only three more days - three more colors to go.  Wow.

I Love Dr. Seuss!  I like to draw his architectural fantasies.  I would like to live in one.  I have made a few paintings of my own houses in the Seuss style.  That's fun.

Notice the bed in the upstairs window.  I am writing this from my bed (even though I did not draw it while in bed).  I am tired.  I have jet-lag.

Day 60: Goldenrod

When I think of Goldenrod I think of allergies.  So I started by drawing a nose.  I wanted it to be a feminine face, but it turned into an old man face. How did that happen?  Again, I did this during my lecture, while the attendees were collaging (in Detroit, MI).  One of things that I tell the attendees of my Art Therapy seminar is "the art can lead you in a direction you do not intend." Consciously I wanted to draw a woman. However this is definitely male.  The other thing that changed from my original intention is the tree-like thing inside the head.  I was thinking about allergies, so I had intended to draw sinuses.  This looks more like the brain.

So, what does that all mean?  I'm  not sure... I was feeling manly?  Not feminine? That does not feel right.

I have not had seasonal allergies in many years (I took allergy shots for several years). Despite the shots, I think that's mostly a result of moving out to the west coast.  Different pollens here, and it's so much dryer (although it is hard to say its dry here after the torrential rains we've been having).  

Maybe the Golden"rod" has become the brain-stem.  The lifeline to my thoughts and behaviors. It also connects the inner world to the outer world.  I like that.

PS:  because I titled my last Tweet "Is there Thai food in Detroit?"  I now have a Thai restaurant in MI following me on Titter.  Too funny.

Day 59: Mauvelous

I drew this during my seminar.  The attendees where working on their collages today, so I had some drawing time.  This was inspired by the collage - overlapping pictures.

I had no idea there was a color called "Mauvelous". What does that even mean?  Is it a kick-back from Billy Crystal's SNL character?

I'm in Detroit, and I think I will go seek out some Thai food.

Later Biotchessss!